• Meredith Rawlings

I've got a story for you that might change your life.

Three years ago I woke up in my bed after three months spent studying abroad in sunny Spain. I rolled over and began what was then my morning routine of thinking about every bite of food that had entered my mouth the day before, calculating how much weight I had likely gained overnight.

I stood up, looked in my mirror. Horrified. Mortified. What had I done??

The photo on the left was taken that morning...can you see the desperation on my face?

I started sobbing, hating every last dimple and ounce of fat that I had gained in Europe. All the pastries, bread, and delicious jamón I had enjoyed in the past three months suddenly the biggest regret of my life.

I didn't recognize the softer, larger, un-athletic girl who stood in front of me. And I didn't like her.

September 2014 (114 lbs) to October 2019 (maybe 137 lbs? idk doesn't matter)

Immediately, my brain started thinking of all the foods I would need to cut out of my diet and how many miles I'd have to run every day in order to lose the weight. No more bread, sugar, extra fats. Even carrots had too much sugar. Hell no I wouldn't indulge in a carrot until I could see my abs again. You see, I had already fought my way through a short stint of anorexia the year before. I knew how to lose weight quick.

And then I heard another voice underneath the frantic one hurling insults.


I stopped sobbing for a second and the voice got a little louder.

"I'm not doing this again."

I know now that voice was the real me. My spirit had been beaten down for so long by my constant insecurities and body shaming that I had to be at my absolutely lowest to even hear myself. My true voice of reason.

In that moment, I knew in my heart that if I didn't change the way I thought about myself and food that I would spend the rest of my life trying to hide how much I hated myself. I was sick of being afraid all the time. I was sick of being trapped by what foods I was allowed to eat and not allowed to eat.

So I made a commitment to myself: I would lose the weight, get back to my healthy body AND I would do it without starving myself or dieting.

I was desperate to believe that it was possible to live a life free from hating my body and trying to force it to be skinny. Luckily, I was right.

Six months later I fit comfortably back into my clothes; I was stronger physically and more confident in myself than I ever had. I no longer binged or restricted my calories. I ate everything I wanted, enjoyed my social life and was truly present. I worked out the way I wanted to and stayed the hell away from the elliptical!

Now it's been three years loving myself and learning that I am so much more worthy of my own love and respect than I ever thought possible.

I am so grateful to have been born with an imperfect body for I would have never endured the struggle and pain of hating my self and I would never have overcome the pain either.

My transformation unlocked so much more for me than having a better relationship with food, it opened up a whole world of my own potential. Now, I feel expansive and hopeful every single day because I know my own worth.

That feeling is what I yearn to teach every woman I encounter.

My business is not just a way for me to earn a living. It is my soul's calling and my life's passion to guide other women from that darkness I was trapped in for so long.

There is so much more to life and so much more to explore within yourself than striving to make yourself smaller.

You are worthy of the same love you give so freely to others and it's my job to show you how to truly feel it every single day.

If you connect with this story, if you feel a tugging in your chest or hear a small voice saying "I want that" then please send me an email at mere@merebodyandsoul.com or slide into my DM's on instagram, I'd love to connect with you!

All you have to say is "I need some help." I'll take care of the rest.